Dopamine vs. Endorphins

On my quest to limit my consumption of things I have circled back to going to the gym. Now, I know that there is a certain amount of privilege in that statement. It means that I have extra cash in a month to pay for a membership and (more importantly!) I have extra time in a month to spend it on myself. So there’s that. And sometimes I have a some guilt associated with my privilege, but I think that post is for a later time. And if there are any new parents out there reading this, for the first three years or so after having my son, I had a really  hard time giving myself any space at all outside of family obligations.

Now that may be weird to read, especially if you are not a parent. And honestly, before having my kiddo I would have totally not understood that statement. What do you mean that you’re having a hard time allocating some space for yourself?? Just like go outside. I can remember a moment walking with a dear (childless) friend and she was saying that I should just go to a pilates class to feel better. In her defense, she was right. But I think it was maybe 2.5 years postpartum and I could not comprehend actually leaving the house only for my own pleasure. Like, I was having major guilt by simply going on a walk with my friend. But I don’t know if non-parents can relate or maybe my anxiety was just out of control.

So. Gym. Before baby I really preferred to be outside. Now? I’m craving a community that doesn’t know me as a parent. Funny story, I met a guy at the gym and after seeing him for a couple months we started talking randomly. That progressed for a couple weeks and I was like, “Cool! New friend!!”.

Buuuuuuuuuuut, then he found out that I had a kiddo and I kid you not (see what I did there?!) he has not talked to me since. Like, lame dude. I wasn’t going to f- you anyways. But to completely ignore me now just because I have a kiddo??? Super lame.

So, I’m sort of on the fence about telling my gym friends about having a family. People will just treat me differently. Lame.

So in that ever-present struggle to limit my consumption of things to feel good, I have recently returned to this gym, they do personal training in Victoria. I like it because they focus on us old people (J/k!). But seriously, it’s nice not to be surrounded by ticktockers filming. And it’s nice to get some of those feel-good hormones from moving my body. And it feels especially nice to put on some muscle. I haven’t lost weight per sea, but my body is getting tighter if that makes any sense. It’s talking up less space while serving some shoulder muscles that I’ve never had before. It definitely feels good.

Now to reckon my love of chocolate cake with my love of the gym…